Tag Archives: motherhood

26 Things I am Learning About My Tween

 

I mentioned recently over on my Facebook page that I am a mid-years mama, a Tween mama if you will. You can find a wealth of knowledge and blogs full of advice on Newborns, Babies, Toddlers and Teens however I’m noticing a serious lack of talking on the Tween phase. It’s almost like we jump from Pre-schoolers to Teens and forget we have to get through the murky middle waters before the teen stage.

 

With all that in mind and a great deal of thinking on my behalf I thought I’d write a little bit on the things I am learning from my Miss 8 and the crap people forgot to warn me about. I’m hoping it will resonate with some fellow mamas who are at the same stage as me and even if you aren’t then look forward to it or read it and think back on when this was you.

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26  Things I’m learning about my Tween

  1. I am still her favourite person. Until I’m not but I know in an hour or so I will be again. Its ok, I get it. I remember feeling the same with my own mum.
  2. She hates most the clothes I buy for her. Mainly because I chose them. On shopping trips I keep my mouth shut and pray she chooses wisely. It’s still ok though because I will not buy what I don’t think is appropriate.
  3. She likes to spend my money and she neeeeeeeds everything. It’s not true.
  4. She is aware her body is changing and it is confronting and confusing for her. She isn’t sure why some clothes I used to let her wear I now tell her are inappropriate. It’s tough trying to explain.
  5. She looks older than she acts. I still let her be a child. It is unfair for people to expect such grown up things from her.
  6. She is a tiny hurricane of turbulent emotions. Pre-puberty mood swings are real and they are taking over her body and she has no idea what the heck is wrong.
  7. She still needs cuddles. She acts like she doesn’t but deep down she stills craves them. So when she scraps her knee or stubs her toe it is still easily fixed with a big bear hug.
  8. Unless we are in public. In public I tread carefully. Some days she is unreadable. Some mornings a kiss goodbye is fine but other days I dare not touch her. I am learning it depends on our audience.
  9. I can’t fight her battles for her. As much as I want to march up to that bully and sort them out with stern words and evil glares. I can’t. I have to trust her to do this for herself. I have to trust that I have taught her to cope with these situations. I know she wants me to rescue her but I also know she would be mortified if I did. It’s tough.
  10. I can’t choose her friends for her. She has her own ideas and the best thing I can do is get to know them. They are her posse and their influence on her is inevitable, I must know who these girls are.
  11. She uses my shampoo and body washes in the shower. She swears she doesn’t touch them but she smells just like me.
  12. She wants to wear my make up. Not smeared on lipstick like her younger sister but properly applied.
  13. She is still ok when I say no.
  14. She is starting to doubt herself. Gone is the fearless I can do anything attitude and the worry and self-doubt is coming in its place. It is my job to teach her she was right before. She can do anything.
  15. She is starting to need privacy. She changes in the bedroom with the door shut and is starting to dread the school swimming changing rooms.
  16. She can slam her bedroom door with the force of a strong man.
  17. But she still can’t shut the pantry door.
  18. She is not me. She is herself. I must let her be her.
  19. People at school are telling her that Santa, The Easter Bunny and the Tooth fairy aren’t real and she is looking at me for answers. Of course, they’re real. I will cling to this magic of childhood for as long as I can.
  20. She makes me cry, laugh, feel hopeless and hopeful all in one day. I want to save her and praise her, hug her, kiss her and scold her all at once.
  21. With every new emotion or mood swing I pray my mother is wrong and the upcoming teen years will not be pay back for how I behaved during my own.
  22. She has a great sense of humour. She is funny, and smart, and witty. She reassures me I am not.
  23. She has discovered sarcasm. Its crap and it’s often paired with eye rolling.
  24. She is still fragile. She may deliver the comebacks but she cannot handle them.
  25. As much as I want to be her BFF forever I am her Mum first. She is learning this and I am learning how hard it can be to step back from the friend status and be a tough Mama. Some days she tells me she hates me and I have to remind myself that if she didn’t hate me I wouldn’t be doing my job right.
  26. She still needs her mum. No matter how old she gets, no matter how determined and independent she is, she will still need me and this reassurance will get me through this.

 

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This stage is just as rewarding and tedious as any stage of parenting but that’s parenting in a nutshell really. There are good days and bad days but at the end of the day it’s a journey most of us wouldn’t give up for the world. It is a gift and a rollercoaster of a ride.

Mel x

44 Things I Want My Daughters To Know

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There are so many things I want to teach my girls that my mind threatens to explode. Half of it they are far too young to even understand yet but the life lessons I want them to learn are always front of mind for me. Some are simple wee tokens of advice that have served me well, others are bigger lessons that I need them to understand. I know I can’t save them broken hearts or hard lessons but when the time is right I will pass on my pearls of wisdom.

Things I want to teach my daughters

  1. Always make eye contact when speaking with someone. It is respectful and good manners.
  2. Live to eat. Food is delicious and there is so much to enjoy and discover. Don’t eat just to live.
  3. Never judge people. You don’t know their story and you haven’t walked in their shoes.
  4. Learn to say NO. You don’t need any reason except that you want to say no.
  5. Read books. Lots of books.
  6. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously.
  7. Tattoos are permanent. Think it through, trust me.
  8. Don’t settle in a relationship. You deserve a prince who captures your heart and protects it as if it were made of glass. Wait for that man.
  9. No matter how old or young you are, if you are drunk, ring me. Do not drive. Do not get in some ones car. I will not be mad at you and I will get out of bed for you.
  10. Don’t sleep around. Just don’t.
  11. It’s not the quantity that matters when it comes friends. It’s the quality.
  12. Don’t be afraid to do you. Be proud of who you are and be you with confidence.
  13. A naked face can be liberating. Don’t be afraid to show it.
  14. Always have wine in your fridge. For when I visit.
  15. Buy the shoes, the handbag, the perfume – you deserve them.
  16. Be a good listener. Really hear people when they talk to you.
  17. People always remember how you make them feel. Make them smile.
  18. No one is any better than you, and you are no better than anyone else.
  19. We are all in this together, be kind.
  20. Take responsibility for your mistakes. Apologise when you should.
  21. Don’t be afraid to fail. Take a deep breath and try.
  22. You can be and do anything you want to.
  23. You can also do absolutely nothing all day except eat chocolate and watch tv. That’s ok too but only every now and again.
  24. If you’re not married to him, use protection. Safety first.
  25. Just because it zips, doesn’t mean it fits.
  26. Wine/beer and pizza is a perfectly acceptable meal.
  27. Tights are not pants and you are better than track pants. Unless it’s Lazy Sunday and then anything goes.
  28. I don’t care if you choose to love women or men. You are still you and dad and I will always love you.
  29. If they make you cry, they aren’t worth your tears.
  30. Have the courage and strength to walk away. Sometimes things aren’t right for us and we must accept this.
  31. Childbirth is painful. Few things are comparable. Except bikini waxing, that’s kinda the same.
  32. Always have something you do just for you.
  33. Your youth will fade, so may your looks but your mind is forever. Keep it sharp.
  34. Never lose your sense of humour.
  35. If you have to, try the weed but stay away from the hard stuff.
  36. See the world. Go on adventures.
  37. Stay at school. Go to university. Education is your weapon.
  38. Never go to bed angry.
  39. We need the cloudy days to appreciate the sunshine.
  40. When nothing seems to be going right, turn the music up loud and dance that shit out.
  41. I am always on your side. I’ve got your back.
  42. Even if I am not here, I am always with you.
  43. Everything will be ok in the end.
  44. Something as simple as your breath, your smile, your laugh – completes me. To me you are everything.

Mel x

I Am Not Super And That’s Ok

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As a female from the moment we come into this world we are told we can be and do anything. That we must fight for our equality in this world and we must assert ourselves as strong, competent, multi-tasking and able females. That we are the Queen of our own jungle, a lioness and the world must hear us roar.

Then some of us become mothers and we feel the need to up our womanly super powers. To juggle motherhood along with every other thing we could want to achieve in our lives. To chase the next dream, cross the finish line of the race and to tick the goals off our life check list. There are affirmations all over social media and we share inspiring quotes between us. It is a firm message that we can and must conquer the world and we can do it all with a baby on our tit and another on our hip.

I am guilty of overloading. I am guilty of not being strong enough to say no. I am guilty of trooping on and not asking for help despite feeling crushed by the weight of my commitments. I worry that admitting I am not coping will open me up to be viewed as weak. That people will realise I am not made of stone, I am not super, I am not juggling motherhood and life with ease. I read one of those glorious meme’s the other day that said ‘We are all losing our shit, some of us are just better at hiding it than others’ and I thought A-FREAKEN-MEN!

I think most women whether they are mothers or not can relate to the pressure to succeed. The pressure to prove ourselves and to have our shit under control but I want to chuck it out there that it is ok and perfectly normal to fail at ‘adulting’ every now and again, and to take refuge in a pillow fort. Not only is it normal but it is deliciously therapeutic. Take a long bath with those fancy ass Lush bath bombs, eat the whole king size block of chocolate, drink all the wine and throw yourself a big old pity party. Then get back to it.

Learn your limits. Assert yourself and your ability to say no. Don’t feel ashamed of saying no. It’s a powerful word and you need no excuses. Once you have mastered the art of using the big N-O life tends to take a turn. I’ll be honest, it’s hard as hell at first to just say no without following it with rambling justifications but the truth is you don’t need to do that. So repeat after me – no, No, NO! Let’s all be a little self-indulgent now and again and not feel a damn bit guilty about it.

While I will continue to raise my own little females with the positive affirmations of being able to conquer the world, I will also teach them the importance of putting themselves first. I will carefully guide them through the need to be selfish every now and again and that there is no weakness in asking for help. It takes great strength to admit so. They are indeed beautiful lionesses but they don’t need to be alone in their jungle. Support networks are crucial and if there is one kingdom I want them to build, it is that one.

Last week almost broke me and if admitting this helps someone else realise they need to call a time out and look after themselves then that hideous selfie was worth it. Call on your support systems, admit you need them and make sure they bring the wine!

 

Mel x

 

I Was The Perfect Mother Before I Had Children

I was going to do it all. Drug free all natural birth. Breast is best. Cloth nappies over disposables. All organic produce as first foods. Playgroups, music classes, anything that would kick start their educational journey. Mother Madonna, you’re looking at her. That was the plan anyway.

Reality is it didn’t go to plan from the start. Both pregnancies were hard. I was sick, I went into preterm labour, I was a high risk case. I had to birth at the hospital. I had to have the steroids after going into labour preterm. With Trilly I had to stay in hospital for 8 days while they made efforts to keep her in there. It was a success and I baked her for a few more weeks. Both births were long and tedious, I demanded an epidural after 30 hrs of labour and no one can tell me I didn’t deserve it. It was heavenly. The epidural with Trilly only worked down one side but there was no way in hell I was risking doing it again and it not working at all. Drug free and natural it was not but the end result was still the same, I have two healthy daughters and I am here too.

All through my pregnancies people would tell me what a good cow I’d be. I mean of course I would, I had gigantor boobs! Obviously they would work fabulously right? Both girls I persevered, I saw the lactation consultants, I fed through tears and bleeding nipples, I gave it all I could. And mostly off only one side because only one side worked! I was defeated. I had a broken gigantor boob. I felt broken. At 6 weeks both girls went on to formula. The change in them instant. They were finally being fed properly. It broke my heart and I felt a failure but it was best for us.

As for the whole organic produce and lean meat diet I planned to feed them when the time came as hard as I damn tried Trilly blantantly refused to eat any food. Miss has always been a see food, eat food type of kid but Trilly still survives mainly on yoghurt and ham sandwiches. We encourage her to try new food, to just taste it please but the arguments are exhausting and believe it or not she’s healthy. I will often feed her up on a banana before bedtime because I can’t believe she survives on so little. She’s growing and thriving though and isn’t that the main thing?

Cloth nappies are great but I can honestly say I didn’t do it. I didn’t realise I’d have to deal with scrapping the crap down the toilet and soaking shitty nappies. Naive I was at the reality of saving the environment and the convenience of the disposables won. I could say I’m ashamed but I honestly don’t feel any guilt on this choice.

I tried mum/baby classes. I gave them a good whirl. Trilly did gym classes from age 2 to 4 before kindy days took over. Miss and I used to hang out and even though we didn’t go to any classes that turned her into a baby genius she still developed and learned at the same rate as any other child her age. She didn’t lag behind, miss milestones or suffer from lack of stimulation on her tiny brain. Both my girls are perfectly normal. Perfectly average even. Perfectly where they should be.

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The first time Miss met Trilly
In a world full of everyone’s advice and opinions it gets confusing to find your own path. To find the right way that works for you. Your mind boggles at the options and your heart hurts from the judgements. What works for them may not work for you. They say not every child is the same so it only makes sense that not every mother is and we can not all parent our children identically.

Do what works for you, your child and your family. You will never catch me saying someone else’s way is wrong if it wasn’t right for us. We all do what we have to do to get through. Spend less time worrying about what others are doing and you will be so much more confident in your own parenting decisions. Love your child, raise a good human and make the world a better place.

As I sent Trilly off to school this week and said goodbye to my years of early parenting I can’t help but reflect on the decisions I made and the children I have raised so far. They have manners after years of ‘what do you say?’ being the first response to their questions but they still fart and belch as much as the next kid. They are children, they are fine and they are mine.

I’m going to take time to pat myself on the back because despite almost failing at every prechildren idea I had of parenting and not quite being the Mother Madonna I envisioned they are still children to be proud of and unbelievably proud of them and me I am.

Mel x

14 Reasons I Know My Life Isn’t A Movie

We spend most winter Sundays wrapped in blankets on the couch. Fire roaring, popcorn popped and watching movies as a family. It’s lazy and perfect but Hollywood has a lot to answer for with some of its unrealistic portrayals of real life so just to keep me grounded I thought I’d point out some obvious misconceptions.

14 Reasons I know my life is not a Movie

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Hobo hair will be a trend one day and I’m blazing the trail.

1. My hair is not glossy, perfectly styled or flowing in the wind – Nope, just nope. I have two hairstyles. Hobo, which requires a beanie or hat of some description to hide the knots. And top knot, used on days I can’t find a beanie or hat.

2.  Hubby and I do not go to bed at the same time, make sweet love and then sleep peacefully until morning wrapped spooning in each other’s arms – HELL NO! I go to bed earlier than hubby most nights in an attempt to fall asleep first to get at least a small amount of decent sleep before he comes to bed and wakes me with his snoring. Once woken by his snoring I then spend most the night awake thinking of how I can get away with smothering him with my pillow but not quite killing him.

3.  I do not go to bed swathed in a silk negligee. I have an old pair of trackies that hubby often tries to hide and a maternity top I’ve held on to since baby number one that I consider slumbering in style.

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I’ll take one Fairy Godmother and a dozen cleaning sparrows please.

4.  Egyptian cotton sheets?! What the hell are those?! We have the poly cotton special from The Warehouse. Maybe I should splash out?

5. Sundresses and heels while we frolic among the spring blooms and sip tea perhaps? No not me. I’ve got jeans, jandals and a takeaway coffee.

6. Not once have any freaken birds or small animals helped me with my house work!

7. I’m still waiting for my Fairy Godmother too. Lord knows I could have used her more than once already but has the bitch showed up?! NO!

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Don’t be fooled by my polished exterior. There’s two pairs of Spanx and a medieval torture contraption of a bra working over time under that well cut dress.

8.  I had my second child 5 years ago but I still cannot slink back into that pre-baby little black dress. For me to get in the little black dress it takes two pairs of spanx and a husband willing to try removing me from my beige sausage casing at the end of the night. I’ll be honest I’ve slept in it more than once when he hasn’t been up to the job.

9.  I don’t even have a reason for a little black dress because what the hell are date nights?! It takes me almost a full month of begging to find someone willing to watch our children so we can have a couple of hours free after 5pm.

10.  Don’t even get me started on ‘movie mums’ perky boobs. I take my bra off and my tits droop so low they start chatting to my belly button. And the only way I can wear skinny jeans is with an oversized tee so I can hide the fact I’m still tucking my guts into them.

11. I have left plenty of shoes behind on a big night but not once has Prince Charming come knocking at my door. In fact I had to find my own damn Prince and just ended up with a mismatched shoes collection.

12. Despite my best efforts my children are not child protégées, I love them dearly and they are of course perfect to me but mathematical geniuses or budding CIA agents they are not.

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Perfectly imperfect little family of mine.

13. When we go camping we do not toast marshmallows and sing kombayah around the fire place. We bitch our tits off about who has to hand wash the grubby dishes, moan about sand in our sleeping bags and for some reason still put ourselves through it the next year.

14. Christmas is not idyllic. There’s no eggnog and Christmas carols. There are arguments over who brings what, the price limits for the presents, who buys for who and there’s always that one person that peaks too early on the booze.

In hindsight, despite its lack of Hollywood perfection, I think our lives are probably better than most movies anyway.

Mel x

A Letter To My Daughter Turning Five

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Trilly Bug : My Crazy Bug : My Baby Bug.

I remember Miss’s first day at school. I fought back tears as she entered school full of excitement. I went to the car when the 9am bell rang and cried like a baby. I watched the clock, counting down the hours until pick up time and then sat out the front of school from 2.40pm just waiting.

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Teeny tiny beginnings.

Trilly starts school next Friday and the feelings are back. Just this morning I fought back tears as I organised to bring her a birthday cake on her last day at kindy, her actual 5th birthday. However, this time I won’t let Trilly see me sad, I won’t let her realise how hard it is for me because she is excited and she deserves me to be excited for her.

It’s not about her leaving me and not having her by my side every afternoon. It’s bigger than that. It’s the realisation that she is moving on to that next step. That step that involves me having to start letting go. She is no long my baby, we are passed that now. She is becoming my independent young child. So a letter for her memory box is a birthday must.

The fight for freedom and independence started young with this one.
The fight for freedom and independence started young with this one.

Dear Trilly,

Next week you are FIVE! That is a big milestone in my mummy book. It is the start of a whole new chapter in both our lives. Me, the mother of two big school girls and you, the new big schoolgirl. A new exciting step for all of us.

I am so proud of you. Your eagerness to learn and your fierce strive for independence. Your cheeky personality and sense of humour already apparent. You are so tough, yet so gentle and kind. I have heard you stand up to other children your age as they are overly assertive with you and you do it with kindness that I don’t think I could have ever taught you. It is natural to you to assert yourself but to do it kindly.

You were once so shy, painfully shy. Uncle Hayden once babysat you for the night and you cried for so long when we left that you fell asleep on the kitchen floor. He left you for fear you’d wake up and cry again. You have grown so much and now I see you rush at kindy to sign up for saying the prayer.

Nope, she never needs help. Not even when putting on her googles.
Nope, she never needs help. Not even when putting on her googles.

Ever since you discovered you could hold a cup yourself your quest for independence has been strong. You toilet trained at 15months because you refused to let me put a nappy on you and you couldn’t figure out how to do it yourself, so knickers and the toilet were your only option. You are always wanting to help me with everything and when I say no you reply ’but how will I learn?’

You are fearless. Sometimes this worries me as you sprint towards the ocean or go full accelerator on your motorbike. You are going to learn some tough lessons about the importance of caution but these are your lessons to learn and until I am ready for you to learn them I will continue to do my best to protect you. I can’t help it, it’s my job.

I want you to remember to treat everyone as you would like to be treated. This is my biggest wish. The world needs more kindness and I know you can be it. As you go through school you will encounter some mean people, it’s inevitable but kill them with kindness. They are the ones that need it most.

She crawled at 8months but didn't walk until 14months, and then she just ran.
She crawled at 8months but didn’t walk until 14months, and then she just ran.

I cannot wait to cheer you on at school cross country, athletics days and swimming sports. I cannot wait to see both my girls on stage for the school productions and to sit proudly at prize-giving’s for you both. I can’t believe how quick our early years have flown past but I am excited for the next part of our lives.

Love always and forever,

Mum x

A contagious smile
A contagious smile

Ps. In about a month’s time you are going to tell me you hate school that you don’t want to go and it’s dumb. So before we get there let’s make something clear, this is you for ATLEAST the next 10 years, I will most likely enforce that you stay at school for the next 12years. So get used to it. Suck it up Princess. You and your sister can commiserate together now. School is your future and you need it.

25 Confessions Of An Everyday Mum

Motherhood is a crazy ride and some days I'm hanging on by my finger tips
Motherhood is a crazy ride and some days I’m hanging on by my finger tips

I need to get some things off my chest. Partake in a little confessional and cleanse my mama soul. I’m hoping I’m not the only one that does some of these but if I am, I’m ok with that because they are helping me survive.

My Mum Confessions:

1. Some nights I tell my children it’s bedtime at 6.30pm instead of 7.30pm. I manage to trick them into thinking its 7.30 because they can’t tell the time yet and no daylight savings is on my side, for now.

2. About once a week my children’s dinner consists of 2min noodles, spaghetti or eggs on toast or toasted sandwiches. I just can not pull off 7 nights of decent cooking.

3. I push snooze on my alarm clock at least 3 times before getting up and rushing around like a mad woman to make school drop off in time.

4. Miss partakes in the schools weekly sausage sizzle just so I don’t have to make her a sandwich on a Thursday.

5. If we’ve run out of bread, I’ll send her to school with a can of tuna.

6. I hide chocolate and lollies on the top shelf of the pantry and I don’t share.

7. I’ve eaten cooking chocolate more than once.

8. Also, the cooking wine….

9. I go to the supermarket for bread and milk but take over half an hour and spend at least $50.

10. I do not and have never tried to make paleo treats. Or just paleo anything really.

11. I’ve recently just bought a new bra, only because I realised I NEVER wash the other one.

12. I don’t cut out sandwiches into bear faces and I do not draw smileys on the girls bananas for their lunches.

13. I sometimes have to do the sniff test to decide between clean and dirty socks.

14. I have said my babes are sick to get out of a social invite. More than once.

15. I pull the fingers and mouth ‘F you’ behind my kids backs some days. It truly helps me feel better.

16. When I’m exhausted DVDs are my best friend. We make pop corn, we grab a blanket and we all lie down. It’s compulsory.

17. I love bath time because the girls will play in there for almost half an hour but some nights we skip it and they go to bed without one.

18. I only wash their hair once a week. Shock, horror but it actually only needs to be washed that much. And, nits apparently like clean hair. We’ve never had nits, touch wood.

19. I’m a terrible housewife. I hate the washing. I wash it, I hang it out, it stays on the line overnight, I bring it in, it lives in the basket for four days, I fold it and it stays on the table until it’s back in the dirty washing pile again. I am terrible at washing. I vacuum around the washing baskets, it’s really bad.

20. I don’t make the beds every morning. I mostly straighten them up before the kids jump back in them.

21. My husband cleans the bathroom. The only time I ever gave the bath a decent clean was when I was pregnant and hoping being down on my knees would speed up labour.

22. I vacuumed and mowed the lawns a fair bit when my babes were young. It drowned out the crying when I reached the point where I had no idea what else to do to stop it. I’d put them safely wrapped in the bassinette and vacuum the crap out of the house.

23. Some days, I put myself in time out. It’s easier than trying to seperate the kids. They soon realise I’m hiding (normally with my secret treats) and sort themselves out.

24. I will be the mum that kisses my babes goodbye until I die. I still hug and kiss my own parents goodbye. I will tell them I love them a thousand times a day and I don’t feel bad that I do it.

25. I am terrified of sending my children out into this world. First days at school, first solo play dates, first camp sleep overs, all of it sends me into a state of anxiety. I pray every day in a world full of cruelty and hardship that I have taught my girls to be tough enough to be the kindness. To just be nice.

Do you have any Mum confessions to make? Surely, I am not alone. Don’t be ashamed, I’m not. My children are alive and thriving thanks mostly to me, and ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get through.

Mel x

Why Is It So Hard To Make Mum Friends?

Thank goodness for sisters, and I'm lucky to be blessed with three.
Thank goodness for sisters, and I’m lucky to be blessed with three.

I think I am a shy mum. I say ‘shy mum’ like it’s a real thing because I don’t ever recall being this shy in social situations before I was a mum. Sure I’m not ever going to be up there on a stage in a play or anything but I don’t ever remember being so unsure of myself it made me somewhat introverted.

I don’t have a lot of friends but I know a lot of people. I know people well enough to say a passing ‘hello, how are you?’ in the street but it doesn’t often go beyond that, especially with other mums. I’m that mum that sits in the corner at kindy pick up or chats to that one other mum I know and that’s all. I’m sure I come across as snobby, stand offish and maybe even rude. I promise I’m not. I just don’t know how to go about talking to you. The groups of mums at kindy and school remind me of highschool cliques, where I’m on the outside and not too sure how to break in.

I strike up a conversation or someone starts speaking to me, we chat a while, we agree we should have a play date, for the kids of course! We meet up, the kids play, we drink coffee and that’s it. We may say hello again at kindy or school pickup/drop off, one of us will say ‘we should have another play date’ but we won’t. Why is it so hard for me to forge a relationship with a fellow mother? Why does adding Motherhood to the mix change it all?

I’ve had some great Mum friendships. I’ve thrown baby showers for friends, I’ve baby sat their children and entrusted them with mine and then it all stops. I keep putting myself out there like I know I should but almost all my mum friendships seem to fizzle out. I’m not saying I don’t realise how busy other mums are but as soon as I stop inviting people for coffee etc it’s all over. Are all mum’s just like me and struggling with this sudden onset of shyness?

Being a mum can be a lonely job sometimes especially those early days at home with a new born. I thought once my girls were at kindy and school I was sure to find some mum friends I’d click with. I tried a coffee group when Miss was a baby only to leave in tears because I was so much younger than the other mums and felt completely out of my depth. I am not going to lie, in those days Facebook was my saviour. Facebook is still my saviour. Mums seem easier to talk to on those Facebook groups, hide behind a screen and we are all friends’ right? Is it because of the screen that we are now intimidated by the face to face contact of real life friendship?

I say at the beginning I am a shy mum but I can assure you that once you get to know me I am not. I guess you just need to get to know me. I promise I can be a great friend; I can even be quite funny and entertaining when I want to be. I won’t compare our children, I won’t tell you mine have always slept straight through, if you parent differently to me I won’t judge you and may even pick up some tips, I will help you out when you would rather give your kids away than deal with them and I will learn your favourite wine and keep it handy.

I’m really not sure why I find this mum friendship thing so hard, I have had many conversations with the couple of mum friends I do have and we all seem to come to the conclusion that perhaps we are all just shy mums?

Mel x

The Third Child Decision

My Girls and I
My Girls and I

Trilly, my youngest, starts school in September and I keep being reminded that I’ll ‘be free’ again. I feel like I should be excited at this prospect. People keep saying I won’t know myself and how great it will be. Yet I’m feeling dread and anxiety.

I’ve gone backwards and forwards on a third baby for years. Hubby has always been a firm no and so this has made the decision easy for me. However, he has recently done a turn around and agreed to one. Now, I’m not sure.

I’m not sure if I’m doing it to fill a void I feel coming or because I really want that third. I’m not sure if I’m prepared to go back to sleepless nights and nappies. I love our current family dynamic and I know it’ll all change and I worry I won’t be happy. I worry and feel I’m being selfish by not rejoicing at the chance to welcome a third child.

Miss and Tilly with their cousins, Aja and Skyla
Miss and Tilly with their cousins, Aja and Skyla

I held my new Niece recently and my ovaries didn’t ache and my uterus didn’t explode. My heart didn’t long for a baby but I cry when I see my nephews. So I’m going to admit right now. I want a son. I love my two daughters, I’d never replace them, I’d never change them but I long for a son.

It makes you feel like a first class w**ker when people are struggling to just have a child and you are torn up inside at the risk of another with the same genitalia. I realise you can’t choose. You get what you’re given. People are always reminding me of this and I’m not naïve enough to not understand it but I want a son and I’m unsure I’m willing to change our family dynamic for a third daughter.

Before you judge me. Before you make assumptions about me as a mother. Of course I’d love a third child no matter what and I know once I held them the love would be instant. I am not going to lie however and say I wouldn’t be disappointed. In fact I’d almost be temporarily heartbroken. I know this and I am aware of this so I must be honest about it. I would accept a third daughter and feel blessed for any child at all but I will also deal with a feeling of loss. Loss for a son that will never be mine.

I write this because I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m sure mothers before me have felt this way. I’m sure they have felt horrid about it and even hated the fact they thought and felt these things. Motherhood is life changing. It is a life long commitment. We are allowed to have hard thoughts and reservations about it. It is nice to know we are not alone.

My two little loves
My two little loves

Mel x

Please Mind Your Own Mummy Business

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A Girls Day Out brings the excitement

‘Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.’

It’s the last day of school holidays and we have a bit of a tradition in our house where the girls and I have a girls day out together. So today we went to the Mall for lunch, a bit of shopping and a movie. It’s all very exciting for my two little divas.

Our day was great fun. The movie was thoroughly enjoyed. Lunch of sushi and Yoghurt Story for dessert received a big thumbs up. There was only a couple things wrong with our perfect day and they were because of other people. Fellow mamas that to be honest, I always expect more of.

When we got organised this morning, the girls dressed themselves. They do a good job of it and as long as it’s weather appropriate I generally just go with the flow on their choices. While I was applying a little make up in the bathroom Trilly had decided to apply her own red lippie. I chose my battles wisely and to be honest the fight to take the lippie off would not have been worth it and so we left with her gorgeous ruby lips on show.

We were waiting in line for our movie tickets when I overheard the lady with two gorgeous children behind me say to her friend ‘hardly an age appropriate outfit’. I only assume it was directed at us because we were the only other people waiting in the queue and she was right behind us. I brushed it off. Maybe she wasn’t speaking about one of my girls anyway and the girls didn’t hear so no real harm done.

Eating our sushi in the food court was a different story. A charming lady deemed it appropriate to let me know that lipstick on MY 4 year old was disgusting and inappropriate. I normally have words, many even but I was speechless. I was speechless for many reasons, the first being it’s none of her business. Again, I am assuming this woman is a fellow Mother (because she had children with her) and as a mother she should know better. Trilly heard her words and what riles me the most is that she had no right to make my 4 year old feel the way her words did. Trilly insisted I take her to wash off the lippie because ‘she is disgusting’ with it on. Trilly cried, her shoulders slumped, her confidence visibly knocked.

The offensive red lips
The offensive red lips

While I am a firm believer that we are entitled to our own opinions, there is our opinions and there is cruelty. I’d like to know what this women was hoping to achieve. Would she have been upset had the roles been reversed and she then had to console her young daughter? Did she consider the windfall of her actions and did her words provide any enrichment in the lives of either party? As a mother does she think 4 is too young to have to try explain the harshness of the world and some of its people? Did she even consider my 4 year old daughter sitting there or was she just so hell bent on letting me know her opinion of my mothering skills?

To the woman in the food court I’d like to say to you, please think before you open your mouth. The words that come from it have the ability to build someone up or tear them down, especially a child. Perhaps worry more about your own life instead of inflicting your opinion on those that have not asked for it. I will mother my way and you can mother your way. I will not judge you and I’d hope you would not judge me because at the end of the day we are on the same side. Just doing our best to raise the best little humans we can.

Mel x